Ho Ho Help

A rope ladder for your December doom spiral

Moody vibes by Becky Fluke at The Ryman, Nashville

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From what you saw online from me over the last 6 months, you would never know how awful I was feeling.

When I was experiencing the lowest point in my life this year, I was also posting photos of playing Red Rocks with Brandy Clark - a total life-goal venue.

As I was questioning my future in music, I was posting about playing The Ryman with Brandy and Tattletale Saints - a dream I’d had since the day I moved to Nashville 10 years ago.

I experienced some of my darkest days this year while simultaneously sharing photos, videos, and stories from some of the most incredible shows of my career.

This is the weird and exhausting chasm musicians often exist in, between the reality of our lives and the way we promote our music. Sharing only what we think people care about and want to see, not the whole story.

And now we’re in December, bracing for the tinsel-draped onslaught of #blessed posts about how incredible people’s lives were this year, even if their reality was more struggle, suppress, survive than live, laugh, love.

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Social media is the highlight reel of someone’s life and never shows the true reality.

I know that to be true, deep in my soul, yet I still catch myself doom-scrolling sometimes, depressed by how much better other musicians seem to be doing than me.

Instagram, Facebook, X (eye roll), and all the algorithmic-based “relationship” platforms aren’t designed to make us feel good and “connect us” as they claim. They’re designed to keep our eyes glued and our fingers scrolling.

We are not their customer, the advertisers are. We are the product.

They sell our time and attention to motivate big corporations to pour their ad money into the platform’s coffers and line the shareholders’ pockets.

In no way shape or form is the goal to make us happy.

But I’m not embarking on a rant against social media - I know, I’m as shocked as you.

Social media can be an incredible tool to assist you in your career goals when used well. But you have to stay in control of your experience with it and protect your mental health. To use it the way it uses you: efficiently, scientifically, and without emotion.

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This December, as one year ends and another begins, we will all inevitably think back over the previous twelve months and wonder if we’ve achieved enough, done enough, and tried hard enough. We will see other people cherry-picking the best moments of 2023 and laying them out for us all to see on Instagram as though that’s the entirety of their experiences this year.

Artists who post remarkable stats from streaming platforms but conceal the side hustle needed to pay the mortgage.

Touring musicians who share fantastic photos from a multitude of renowned venues without also sharing how stressful a freelance career is sometimes.

Couples who publish their picture-perfect holiday photos while they hide mental health struggles out of shame and fear.

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Our journeys as musicians are not typically a rapid elevator assent to stardom, nor a fast slide down into failure.

Most musicians will have a career that looks and feels like a spiral. With small wins that are almost unnoticeable in the moment, and losses that feel enormous at the time, but with a general upward trend of growth when viewed with hindsight.

As you take stock of the last year, and plan how you want to continue or change the way you approach your life and career for the next one, try to remember:

• If it’s hard to see progress this year, think back 2 years, or 5 years instead. I would bet that “past you” would be stoked with where you’re at now, even if “current you” struggles to see it.

• Judge your achievements in 2023 only against your achievements in previous years. What someone else is doing truly doesn’t matter. It’s a cliche, but it’s also true that the path your life takes will never look like someone else’s.

• Don’t forget that metrics for success include your health, relationships, and overall happiness - not just likes, sales, and income.

• Try thinking about new goals only in relation to where you were before, not where other people are now. Plan small changes you can make and goals you can set to help 2024 be inspiring, enjoyable, and creatively fulfilling.

• Remember the spiral: some years might not have any obvious progress at all. Sometimes simply surviving is the win.

• Most importantly, remember that you control what you view online and how you let other people’s content affect you.

Tis the season to feel like everyone else is crushing life while we're just being crushed by it.

This holiday season give yourself the gift of logging out from the insecurity machines and remember that the only comparison truly worth making is to yourself.