Joy Meter

What does "making it" in music look like?

(The top of one of the ladders)

I was in a regular trio when I first started working professionally, playing twice a week with an amazing musician who seemed to hate every second of the gigs we did together.

They were exceptionally good at music and said they wanted to do it for their career, but they also spent every possible moment texting their spouse (even during songs), complained if the gigs went even a few minutes over time, and usually had a face like a storm cloud on stage.

The music itself was amazing, but the overall experience - for them and the rest of the band - was miserable because they clearly didn’t want to be there.

I wondered at the time, why would this person keep putting themselves in this position if they apparently hated playing gigs so much? Why do this for a job when there were so many other ways to make money? Why would gigs even be such a hardship for them if they (seemingly) enjoyed playing music so much?

Several decades later I realized why…

The goal of “playing music for a living” was something they thought they wanted because, a) they enjoyed “playing music” minus the “for a living” part and b) they were just experiencing what actually living life as a working musician felt like and the reality was making them miserable.

Last week I talked about “making it” in music and laid out a fairly brutal opinion that a lot of people won’t succeed, not because they’re not good at music, but because they want to outsource the hard work of building a career in music to someone else.

After I published the piece, my wonderful readers brought up a couple of really good points:

1. There are very real mental health challenges that can make it nearly impossible for people to consistently push ahead with their music careers - and that doesn’t mean they’re lazy or too stupid to see what they should be working on

2. “Making it” can be really hard to define

Number 1: Struggles with mental health are a huge deal and it was remiss of me not to mention it in my original piece. The aim of the piece was a kick up the ass for people who can be a bit lazy and want someone (a manager, a bandmate, or a coach) to do the work for them. It was very much NOT a critique of people who deal with extremely challenging mental health battles. If you’re struggling, all I can say is that I’m truly sorry because it really sucks and I hope you have good people around you who can love and support you through it.

Number 2: This is why we’re here today. To discuss what success in music is and how to define “making it” in your own life and career.

I’ve climbed a lot of career ladders in the last 20 years.

My first career goal was to be a working jazz bass player, and I achieved that with several weekly residencies and nationwide tours around New Zealand with the country’s best jazz players.

Then I wanted something bigger than my hometown scene, so I moved to the States with the goal of establishing myself in a larger scene and performing full-time as a jazz bass player again. And I did that too.

Then I wanted to start playing more contemporary music, so my partner at the time and I started a band, toured the world, and, eventually, won two New Zealand Music Awards.

Then we desired a move to Nashville to try our hand on the world stage. And (many tens of thousands of dollars in VISA and lawyer fees later) we accomplished that too.

Once I was based in Nashville, I wanted to be a full-time touring musician - dreaming that happiness would come through no more teaching, side hustles, or wedding gigs.

And, once I fulfilled my goal of a full-time touring career, I wanted BIGGER shows. I wanted the bus tour, the arena stages, and to be given free gear by my favorite instrument makers. I kept saying to friends, “all I want is a bus tour” thinking that if I was touring in a bus it would indicate some real career success.

And then I reached that too, touring with Sugarland (in a bus), playing on huge stages, and with endorsement deals from Fender, Aguilar, Fishman, and D’addario.

And then…..

….I realized that I was never going to find happiness, validation, or a sense of having “made it” at the top of any ladder.

Because at the top of every ladder, there’s always the view of the next thing you might have.

It’s the carrot on a stick that you can never catch.

Eventually, I realized happiness and the contentment that “making it” really is doesn’t come from achieving something, it comes from enjoying the experience of doing.

My dad always talks about keeping his “joy meter” at 10. He judges things in his life based on how they measure up on the meter and tries to only do things that come in at a high level (he’s retired so he can pick and choose as he pleases).

I really like this concept of his because it entails checking in with how something in your life is making you feel, adapting if it falls short, and circling back often to make sure it’s still making you happy.

Fundamentally, “making it” to me means knowing what makes you happy and then designing a life that supports more of what makes you happy and less of what doesn’t.

Simple right?

I’m not going to lie, it can take some hard work and a deep dive into self-discovery to figure out what even makes you happy in the first place.

Often you’ll work out what does make you happy by doing the opposite first (sometimes for a good long while wondering why you have stress acne and your friends are suggesting it might be time, just maybe, for you to see a therapist - no? just me?).

The fact is, understanding what gets your unique joy meter dinging at a 9 or 10 is essential to learning what “making it” will look like for you.

Because if you don’t know what it looks like, how can you possibly reach it?

I love practicality, so here are some questions you might want to ask yourself to help figure out your version of “making it”:

How important is financial stability and hitting traditional life goals (like buying a house) to you?

If you absolutely hate the instability of a freelance paycheck then working as a hired gun for touring bands probably won’t feel good to you no matter how cool the crew is and how many awesome places you get to see. If you’re happy living paycheck to paycheck and you have no desire to acquire big assets, but traveling totally fills your love cup, then touring could be a great option.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Performing requires a lot of social energy, and if you hate engaging with other humans frequently then becoming a gigging musician probably isn’t a great goal for you. If you know that about yourself, maybe you pursue a life creating music from the comfort of your home studio and don’t try to play live at all.

Do you want to be rich?

Ask yourself why? Is it a status thing? Want to buy fancy stuff? If it’s truly your primary goal then honestly music probably isn’t the career choice for you. Get a job in finance, learn to code, build an app, or become a doctor, and play music for fun in your downtime.

How important is having a family?

If you want to raise kids then you need to consider that as you plan your career. Maybe you become a music teacher and play gigs on the weekend instead of pursuing life on the road away from home.

Do you want to be out late at night and spend time in bars and clubs?

I’m fairly certain this was the problem for the aforementioned trio member who hated our gigs… they simply didn’t enjoy all the other elements that went along with the music aspect of gigging. If you don’t want to work nights and weekends then the life of a gigging musician probably isn’t going to make you happy.

What part of music creation is most important to you?

If you determine that it’s writing music you enjoy most, then it doesn’t really matter if your new album gets 10 or 100,000 plays, because your happiness is coming from the process of creating it, not from numbers, accolades, or awards.

How much are you driven by ego?

If you determine that it’s simply being on stage that floats your boat over everything else, then it’s not going to matter to you how many people are in the crowd because whether it’s 5 people or 5000, you’re still on stage enjoying what you do.

And - if you’re finding those questions hard to answer - are you happy in your life and career right now?

If not, try to really dig into the root of the unhappiness so you can make changes in pursuit of the opposite. If you’re miserable teaching music in schools but through some introspection, you figure out it’s not actually because you hate teaching, it’s because working for someone else sucks, maybe you can start a private teaching practice instead. If you dread the gigs you’re playing on weekends as a hired gun for relative strangers but do still enjoy performing live maybe you just need to start a band of your own with friends you enjoy being around.

Sometimes what is making us unhappy can be the most powerful teacher of what might make us happier in the future, so use any current professional misery as a chance to learn more about your core motivations and desires

I’ve climbed many different career ladders and got to the top of each, only to say to myself again… “ok, what now?” and this is what I’ve learned:

Everyone’s definition of “making it” is different because everyone has a different joy meter and concept of what happiness feels like.

To me, “making it” is not making all my money from playing bass, it’s not gigging every night (or even every week some months), and it’s not standing on stage in front of as many people as possible.

“Making it” is getting to play music I’m proud of, with people I am inspired by, to an audience who is engaged and enthusiastic.

“Making it” is financial stability, mental and physical health, having incredible people in my life, and the chance to express my creativity through writing, coaching, AND playing bass.

Figure out what kind of “doing” makes you happy, do as much of it as you can, and the reaching of arbitrary accomplishments imposed upon you by your younger self, family, or antiquated societal expectations will lose importance.

Because “making it” is finding a way to do more of what you love, designing a life that keeps your joy meter up high, and caring less about the ladders altogether.

“Making it” is focusing on the doing and less on the attaining. It’s enjoying the journey instead of fixating on the destination.

Simply put, “making it” is living a life that makes you happy.